this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
