batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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