Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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