you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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