plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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