I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
