this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
