I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
