I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
