remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
