Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
