just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
