A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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