so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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