New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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