OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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