he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
