Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
