Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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