i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My bed smells like the plague
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
