So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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