I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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