I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
