i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I faked an abortion last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
