Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
