Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
