The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
