I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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