just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
