I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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