dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
