maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
