Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize