I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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