She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
