When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
