Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
