I love black thongs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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