you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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