Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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