her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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