I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
