He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
