i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
