What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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