I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
