Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
