I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I supernannyed him into submission
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
