I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she peed on how many people?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize