What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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