Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
