she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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