would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
