Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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