About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
