so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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