i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
