Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i drank out of a bidet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
