I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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