you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
