Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
